Day 25 - The Last Day! Goodbye TLV

Well it certainly has been a long and eventful month, filled with highs and lows and emotions on every level. But today was my last full day in Tel Aviv.

After yesterdays episode of not feeling well, we had to cancel our plans today which I was really annoyed about. We were supposed to go to meet the Rabbi who is marrying us and he lives in Jerusalem so we were going to take a trip to Jerusalem and have a walk about, go to the Kotel (Wailing Wall) and then go to meet the rabbi, but we had to cancel as I wasn't feeling well enough to endure a trip like that. He understood of course but it is a shame because it would have been nice to meet and go over all the wedding stuff. We are going to speak to him on Skype instead for the time being.

We took our time this morning and went to have coffee in the flea market, but by the time we were sitting there I was starting to get a headache again, so we made our way back and I got back into bed at midday. I decided to put a meditation CD on so that I was fully focused on the positive instead of thinking about being in pain, and I drifted off into a nice sleep for an hour. I woke up feeling better and because the weather was so gorgeous we went down to the beach for lunch and I tried to get as much Vitamin D in me as possible as I'm sure the next time my body will be seeing sun like that is next time I'm back here! Lord knows London is freezing at the moment!!

Then another spanner in the works; we were due to go out for dinner with friends but I ended up not feeling well again once we got back from lunch and all I wanted to do was stay in bed. The room we have in the hotel doesn't have a bath, only a shower, but the helpful girl at reception gave me a room with a bath to use so that I could relax in a bath and it was really needed. We spoke to our friends whom we had to cancel and they understood but more than anything I was pissed off that I had to cancel yet another arrangement and although I know it is all the after effects of the treatment, I wanted to enjoy my last day.

My stomach felt so weird that it took until 11pm for me to feel hungry and we eventually ventured out to eat pancakes, as that was the only thing I fancied. And that was my day!

So not a great last day and we leave the hotel at 1pm tomorrow but I always knew I wasn't here for a holiday, I was here to get better and aside from the facial pain which I am still putting down to reactions from the treatment, the rest of me is 100% better so I am happy.

I am really looking forward to getting back home to reality, to my dog, to be physically able to get back to the gym, to my family, to finishing my book and generally to just living! And of course looking forward to being back here in 3 and a half months to get married!!!

This will not be my last post, I will be updating you all on how I am feeling and how and when the reactions wear off. And of course how being back in cold London town affects me.

So for the time being, as usual, I wish you all....

Love and light xxx

Day 24 - From High To Low

Strange day today. I was on such a high, and still woke up feeling light and happy this morning from yesterdays treatment and the positivity it brought, but I had the faint signs of a headache above my right eye and on my right temple, where it usually comes. We got up and went for a walk, then I went to have my hair done which was lovely, and went to meet Daniel on the beach where he was sat having coffee. It was a beautiful day, although a bit windy on the beach, but nonetheless it was much better than England!

We came back to the room and the headache got worse, and before I knew it, it turned into one of the full blown crazy headaches which make me feel like my head is being screwed tighter and tighter into a vice, and the jaw was throbbing uncontrollably too. I tried to sleep so Daniel left me for a bit so I could sleep. I faintly fell asleep but woke up an hour later feeling even worse and Daniel came back. The headache and general facial pain got so unbearable that I couldn't even hold a cup of tea that Daniel had made me to try and help me feel better. I was lying in bed, propped up on two pillows literally unable to even keep my head up and I couldn't open my eyes from the pain in my head. I was lying with my mouth wide open trying to put as little pressure on the jaw as possible so I must have looked an absolute delight!

After four very difficult hours it finally started to pass. It went slowly from a 10/10 to a 9, to an 8 where I started to feel more human (we always measure my pain out of 10 to help us gauge it)to a 7. We were supposed to go out for dinner to a restaurant/bar with friends but I had told Daniel I just couldn't go. But by the time the pain got to 6 and I started to feel more normal, I thought it might be a good idea to go out and get myself out the room. I had a shower and got ready and we ended up going to a more relaxed restaurant just the two of us for an easy dinner and were back within two hours.

I know it is just the effects of the treatment and isn't part of the illness. Todays experience hasn't taken away my positivity. I'd just like to hope that I won't be going through that again tomorrow!

I'd also like to send lots of love and strength to Mandy and Michael whose puppy Laila (the one I was raving about on Saturday) passed away this morning. For an 11 week old puppy she went through so much and eventually lost her life to the Parvo virus which she ironically was supposed to get the vaccination for this week. She was such a beautiful, kind, good natured dog and I know Mandy & Michael are devastated as I would be. As a dog lover I can only imagine how hard this is for them and I am sending lots of love.

Have a better day tomorrow everyone.

Love and light xx

Day 23 - The Last Treatment... Thank You IPEC!

Today has been quite a sensational day, and as I sit and write this at 11pm, without having had an afternoon nap, I am still full of energy - although ready to sleep!

Something happened in todays treatment, an emotional / physical / spiritual shift of some sort that made me feel 100% better.

We worked on synovial fluid and urine, as part of the bodily fluids we started working on a few treatments ago, and we revisited the 'I take things lightly' emotional part of the treatment and added to it 'I am growing a thicker emotional skin.' These two sentences are very important things for me to work on as it turns out my sensitivity to, well, everything could well be the cause of many physical ailments. It was a very long treatment as we released all the emotional attachments from all organs through reflexology touching on all the organs these emotions are held in for example the liver, kidneys, heart, bladder, spleen and stomach. Each one hold different emotions. for instance the stomach holds fear, others hold anger, self esteem, worry etc.

I'd like to give a special mention to Fanny, the very special lady who performed my treatment today. She spoke to me during the treatment, explaining what each point she was working on was for, and how in turn I could help to let go of the non-positive attachments to them. She reaffirmed many things that I already knew, things like 'that which I see in my mind, I hold in my hands', which when I got so sick a few months ago that I couldn't walk, I gave up hope on, after so many years of belief. It was a hard time, when after so long of being positive I got so sick regardless, so I decided to give up hoping and trying anymore. I gave up meditation because I stopped doing it properly enough to believe in it. But today all my belief and positivity came back in one hit. I saw myself dancing at my wedding, being pain free and most importantly, not even worrying about it.

After a long hour and 45 minutes, I said goodbye to Ady and all the therapists, and left feeling exhilarated, healthy and light - as if a huge weight had been lifted off me and I was now free.

I went the entire day feeling like this and although I had some slight jaw pain by the end of the day, I truly believe it is simply the after effects of the treatment and that after the next 2 weeks (it usually takes around 2 weeks after the end of the last treatment to fully recover), I will be pain free.

Having Daniel here has obviously helped, and it was lovely to be able to have him to share it with, but I truly believe that between IPEC and my own mind, we did it ourselves.

After the treatment Daniel and I enjoyed a lovely day together of walking around in the sun, having lunch, and sitting on the beach together watching the sun go down. I really appreciated the opportunity to enjoy his company without having 'pain' as a third wheel in our relationship.

I still have 2 full days left here, but after the end of the last treatment, I feel like I have nearly come to the end of my journey and I am so positive for the future.

I hope this post gives hope to anyone suffering with anything at all, whether it be physical or emotional. You don't need to give in to illness. Illness or dis-ease are just ways for your body to tell you it's not happy with something. If you choose to take conventional medication, you are simply suppressing what your body is trying to tell you, which is why more often than not, that medication will bring on other ailments. Until you listen to your body naturally, your problems won't go away, but if you have the strength and courage to listen and work on yourself, and you have the DESIRE to get better, and the BELIEF that you can, anything is possible. I am living proof.

People may ask then why I still get flare ups. I believe we are constantly being taught lessons, and perhaps these flare ups are a way of bringing me back to the point where I need to believe, where I need to work on myself again and that way through hard work and perseverance, I can teach myself that the mind is capable of pretty much anything.

Today is a great day! And tomorrow will be even better :)

Love and light xx

Day 22... The Reunion

Has anyone seen that episode of Friends where Rachel refuses to go on a run with Phoebe because Phoebe runs like a lunatic weirdo?? Well that's pretty much what I looked like running towards Daniel when I saw him at the airport, an 'I love you' balloon in one hand trailing behind my flimsy uncoordinated body, my handbag hanging down the side of my arm... He laughed. That was his first reaction. So I'm guessing I looked as stupid as I am making myself sound... but it was worth it. I couldn't bare to move myself away from him so when he was sitting in front of the taxi and I sat behind, I was sat forward with my arms over his chest holding his hands. (sick bucket anyone?!) A short 20 minutes later we were back at the hotel and we went for dinner.

What a new experience it was to not be eating alone. Dinners I usually ate with people but lunch today, well, I'd forgotten what it felt like to eat lunch with another human being! Anyway you can pretty much get the gist of it - I am thrilled to have him here and it has only made me more excited to return home in 4 days. Don't get me wrong, even when it's cold here (and by cold I mean 16 degrees), you are likely to see the sun at some point in the day. No 2 consecutive days go past where you can't sit outside a cafe enjoying the buzz of Tel Aviv and watch the sun set beautifully into the sea, so I am going to miss that, and I am not looking forward to 10 consecutive days of grey sky - making it near impossible to remember what it felt like to have Vitamin D in my body - but still, looking forward to getting back to reality all the same.

We had a few wedding errands to run today which all went smoothly and we just generally spent time together which was lovely.

Today was my 6th day without a headache but I started feeling the beginning of one at around 6pm but it went away within an hour. My jaw has still been stiff but definitely easier, there are no more new bruises - although the ones that are already there are pretty dark now, and the tiredness was a little better today. The wrist and ankle were also much better today.

All in all a good day physically and emotionally! Last treatment tomorrow! EEEKKKK

Happy Monday everyone!

Love and light xx

Day 21 - Treatment 6

I am writing this blog before the day is over, because my fiance arrives very shortly after 3 very long weeks apart and I am going to collect him from the airport in half an hour so I thought I'd write this now as I won't have time later and today was the penultimate treatment so quite an important one!

Every time I walk towards the clinic, there are a group of Filipino people who are carers for elderly people, who sit in the sun with them every morning and they always seem to be there around the time of my treatment. Every time I pass I see the Filipino people sitting playing on their phones, very occasionally in conversation with each other, and the elderly people are just sat in their wheelchairs staring into the sky and although it always upsets me, today it really upset me. Maybe I am being overly emotional (what's new), but why are they not talking to them? Why are they sitting there playing on their phones ignoring them like they are vegetables when in fact most of them seemed pretty lucid. Do these carers not know that they were once intellectual beings, and perhaps still very much are? Do they not realise that these people were once daughters, sons, and perhaps still are mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers, sisters, friends? It really upset me and I wanted to walk over and tell them to talk to them, to stimulate their minds, make them feel useful and needed. But of course it is not my place and I can't change the world.

Before that, there was a cat outside an office right by the hotel which has been sat there every day for 2 weeks and looks like it is dirty with oil or something black. It doesn't move but is very much alive. This also upset me. I wanted to take it back and wash it and feed it.

There are so many other things that upset me on a daily basis and they are all things I cannot change, not on a large scale anyway. The money I give to charities and the charity work I do myself help a very minute fraction of people and animals that exist on this planet. The statistics overwhelm me.

So I told Ady.

It is something I told him about last time I was here but we didn't have so much time to work on it and the older I get, the more other peoples problems and problems around me generally, seem to affect me. He said this could be a big reason for my jaw not getting better. I am carrying the worlds problems on my shoulders and that is exhausting - no wonder I'm tired! It is carried in acupressure points or organs so certain emotions are carried in the liver, the heart, spleen, bladder, lungs etc and we worked on releasing all of them.

So he worked on this as well as digestive enzymes which apparently was something my body wanted to work on. It was a long treatment! But I came out feeling way more positive. Also because he asked my body if these 2 remaining treatments were enough for now to help me through the wedding and forseeable future pain free and the body said yes. And I believe in this treatment so I feel happy!

I then went to meet cousins who are here from Paris and we sat and had a drink on the beach. I haven't seen them for years so it was really nice.

Anyway, off to pick up my fiance now!! Hope you all had a great weekend.

Love and light xx

Day 20 - Last Single Day!

I probably moaned about the same thing last week but Saturdays are sooooooo boring in Israel! Nothing is open and it is worse if it is raining which it was today. If it is sunny it doesn't matter because it's a beach town so even if it's not hot, people walk along the promenade, sit at cafes on the beach or in the street and just enjoy being out.

I slept until 10 which is great for me and went down for breakfast. Then I managed to get six hours of writing in which I was very happy with. I then went over to friends who have a new Siberian Husky puppy called Leila. She is the most beautiful thing ever and made me miss Milo even more - if that is possible. She is only 9 weeks and has broken her elbow by being too active and is now recovering. Poor little thing was feeling very sorry for herself but wanted extra cuddles which was lovely.

I left after Shabbat went out and went for a mooch around the Dizengoff Centre which is basically Brent Cross in Tel Aviv - just not as good, but I had nothing else to do so I bought myself a top, had dinner - on my own (sad loser I am!) - and came back to the hotel which is where I am now at 9pm. I intend on getting into bed right now and hopefully watching a film if there is a good one on.

Tomorrow my fiance finally arrives after 3 very long weeks without him. I have my treatment in the morning and he lands in the evening which gives me time for an afternoon nap! (what will I ever do without afternoon naps when I get back!?)

Treatment wise, the bruises have got worse which is so strange. My legs are completely covered in bruises! But not strange I guess because it is just my body throwing the toxins out in any way it can.

Feeling generally mobile and pain free except of course the jaw and the exhaustion. 2 treatments to go so please keep your fingers crossed!!

Good night all!

Love and light xx

Day 19 - Laundry Day

My poor friend. Since I've been here every time I go to her house I take a bag of washing with me and we sit there like a pair of old Moroccan housewives drinking tea, waiting for the washing to finish. But on the upside it is one of the few places in Israel where I can get a nice cup of PG Tips. Being a devoted expat, she keeps boxes of them at home and she was even kind enough to give me a handful to take back to the hotel. I have since had 5 cups... I don't even drink it that much at home! I guess we just enjoy things that make us feel at home... (Thanks Lee!)

As you all know by now I've been feeling extremely exhausted and yesterday was no different. I came back to the hotel from my friend and all I wanted to do was sleep but I didn't really have enough time before my uncle was picking me up to take me back to theirs in Ra'anana for dinner. Have you ever got to the point where you're so tired you could cry? If you have you'll know how I felt. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep for as long as I could. The pains in the rest of my body had improved but my jaw was still stiff and throbbing.

Anyway I got myself ready and headed off to Ra'anana for my cousins sons 4th birthday party surprise. My uncle has his own Shawarma machine so they made shawarma with all the hundreds of salads, borekas, chips and loads more, followed by 3 different cakes, cake pops and nuts and fruits. You gotta love Israel! And more importantly, family. I feel so at home with this particular group of cousins (my dad is 1 of 10 so there are loads of them scattered around) and it kind of made me feel better.

It sounds like a cliche but sometimes when you get out, however crap you're feeling, you start to feel better, and I did.

Suffice it to say that the exhaustion has returned with a vengence today but it will all be over soon!

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend.

Love and light xxx